Things that smell weird:
crayons * packaging tape * pens * money, especially coins * fridge * water
Things you think before you eat:
how will this feel coming back up? * did I throw up the last time I tried it? * does it have way too much taste like those salty saltines I just had and lost? * if I try it, and lose it, can I try it ever again–aka do I want to ruin this food for me for life? * how far away is my throw-up bucket or the toilet?
Things you think before you fall asleep:
should I take some vitamin 6 + unisom or will that wake me throwing up? * maybe the morning will not come and I get to sleep for two days * will tomorrow smell like today? * I probably have to cancel with that thing for tomorrow–why did I schedule anything?
As I lay on the ground, watching my kids play and make fun big messes, I think how long will I feel like this? and how can I make it through the morning? But usually by lunchtime I’m okay for a few hours and I rally and change poopy diapers, and drive people to lessons and school and make dinner. Once dinner rolls around, I’m down for the night, marveling at how upright I was just hours before.
My husband shoulders a lot. My family helps tremendously. And the older kids are old enough this round to get it, to an extent. They’re nurturing and loving and don’t complain when I ask them to watch their brother while I need to go to the bathroom.
You may be thinking why is this woman having more kids? Isn’t this destructive to the kids she has? If I had to work outside the home, or do much more than love up my kids in the morning and make sure they’re safe, I probably couldn’t. Given we expected another pregnancy to go this way, we carved out expectations that are reasonable, activities that are doable for the kids, and the other adults knowing and offering to help more.
It’s a weird thing, being pregnant. You feel a little guilty that you are lucky enough to be pregnant, and hopeful that your baby will go full-term (or close). You welcome the news of other friend’s babies on the way with joy. You cry extra hard when your friends still face infertility after so much trying.
If you’re like 70% of women, you’re probably feeling nauseated, tired, and sick your first trimester. If you’re like a much smaller slice of the pregnant woman population, you suffer from extreme nausea, loss of fluids, dehydration, and it can last the whole time. My first three pregnancies fell into the latter category and this fourth one is tracking right along. I know it will pass, come December. And until then, I’m just lowered my low expectations. Wink. Wink. Nod. Yes.